


N is for Never

by chileancarmenere



Series: Alistair Alphabet [14]
Category: Dragon Age
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-27
Updated: 2012-02-27
Packaged: 2017-10-31 19:12:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/347457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chileancarmenere/pseuds/chileancarmenere





	N is for Never

When his world comes crashing down around his ears, the earth he felt so solid beneath his feet suddenly shifting, Alistair makes himself a solemn promise.

Never, ever, will he forgive Loghain.

Alistair is usually an easygoing guy. He tries to understand people. He’ll give them another chance. But he kneels in the mud of the Korcari Wilds, looking out over the trees to where the ruined towers of Ostagar rise, and he swears to himself that he will not forgive Loghain. He swears that he will not forget the death of his friends, of his _father_ , a panicked, bloody end, due to a cowardly traitor.

He tucks that oath away, somewhere deep inside his heart. When Kaillian talks to him about Ostagar, he speaks instead of Duncan’s heroism. If Morrigan dares to broach the subject, he gives her an icy glare – not that it deters her – and shuts up. He and Wynne talk about the battle of Ostagar, but instinctively she knows not to speak about that dreadful, heart-stopping moment when they looked for help and it did not come, and he doesn’t ask.

So when Kaillian lands heavily on Loghain’s back and bears him to the ground, one arm holding him in a headlock and the other pushing a dagger into his throat, Alistair flushes with a grim pleasure. Finally, Loghain will pay for his crimes. Perhaps then Alistair will be able to sleep at night again.

Except Kaillian says “I accept your surrender.”

Alistair pushes to the front of the gawking crowd, and grabs Kaillian’s shoulder. “I didn’t just hear you say that.”

“Alistair, he’s given up,” she says defiantly, pointing to the man humbly kneeling before her. “Do you want me to take off his head in cold blood?”

He thinks that would be an excellent response to this situation, but clearly she does not. “Kaillian…”

“There is another option.” The Orlesian-accented voice cuts through the babble. Riordan strides towards them. “He could be put through the Joining.”

Alistair is _sure_ that he couldn’t have heard right. “ _What_?”

“We need more Wardens,” Riordan says. “Our numbers are too few right now.”

“No,” Alistair says, his voice flat. “No.”

To be a Warden is an honor. To be a Warden is to serve, to protect and defend others. The man is responsible for the deaths of hundreds of people; what could he know about the selflessness of the Wardens? Loghain has _single-handedly_ destroyed the Wardens of Ferelden! He was responsible for Riordan’s torture! How could he so quickly forget that?

He pulls Kaillian aside. “Can I talk to you for a second?”

“Alistair, he’s…maybe we _should_ put aside sentiment.”

Alistair stoops over a little, so he can look Kaillian directly in the eyes. “Kaillian, I swear, if you do this, I’m leaving.”

He sees the sudden flash of fear in her eyes. “Leaving?”

“I can’t serve with that man. He doesn’t deserve to be a Warden. He’s why there are no Wardens left anymore! I promised…” Alistair stumbles over his words.

“Promised what?”

“I promised myself I would never forgive him.” The words are little more than a whisper.

“And you won’t break that…not even for me?” Her eyes are bright with tears.

He shivers, but his voice stays strong. “I love you. But I could never respect myself if I let Duncan’s murderer take his place.”

Kaillian just nods, as though she took a hard knock to the head. But when she turns back to look Loghain in the eye, she slumps. “I can’t. I can’t do it.”

Alistair draws his sword. “Then I will. I owe Duncan this.”

Loghain looks up the blade to Alistair’s grim face. He has never taken any pleasure in killing. Even now, he only does what he knows he has to. Loghain’s dark eyes may haunt his dreams for years. But letting Loghain go would haunt him for life.

The sweep of the blade is clean. He owes Duncan that much.


End file.
